Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
