No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
