margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We just shotgunned beers for America
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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