i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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