i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
