this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
