Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
