I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
