Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
