My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
