Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
