he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
