So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
