wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
