You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
