The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
