Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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