I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
