In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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