Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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