just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
