My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
