I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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