In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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