Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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