I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I am one with the molecules
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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