My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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