Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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