Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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