my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
