If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize