when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
