I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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