So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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