well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
