wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
