so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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