Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
