She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
