Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
