dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
