I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
