billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
