if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
