Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
