This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
