ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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