Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
