Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
