do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
