The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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