the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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