planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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