you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
