I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
