Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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