I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
