Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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