Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
