You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
