What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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