Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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