Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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