I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
