No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
