I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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