so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
