so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize