I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
