i just wanna soil my oats bro
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
